In This Moment Read online

  NO GOD.

  15

  Reagan was folding laundry on the couch when she heard Luke at the front door. It was just after ten o’clock. With everything in her she wanted to break down, tell him the late nights he was keeping were wrong.

  But every time she prayed about his hours at the office, she felt the same response from God.

  Love him. Just keep loving him.

  Luke walked in and she turned to him. Their eyes met, and he set his briefcase down. “I’m sorry.”

  Love . . . just love. “It’s okay.” Reagan felt the tenderness in her smile. “You’ve got a lot of responsibility.”

  “I’ve got a family.” He came to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “It’s not right, what I’ve been doing.” His voice was kind, grateful. “Staying late at the office. It’s like it was last year all over again.”

  She didn’t blink, didn’t look away. “People are counting on you.”

  “That’s no excuse.” He put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her. Longer than usual. With the passion they hadn’t shared in too long. “I’m sorry, Reagan. I’ll work on it. I promise.”

  Tears stung her eyes. God was so faithful. She had listened to Him, and now look. “Thank you.”

  “I love you.” He kissed her again, his eyes locked on hers. “More than you’ll ever know.”

  “I love you, too.” Reagan had not expected this. A tear spilled onto her cheek and he caught it gently with his thumb. “Thank you.”

  “Let me finish the laundry.” He stepped toward the pile of clothes. “You take a break. You deserve it.” He kissed her once more. “And thank you, beautiful. For supporting me . . . even when I get it wrong.”

  Reagan wasn’t sure what to say, what to do. A slight laugh slipped from her lips and she went to the kitchen. A cup of tea, maybe. Yes, that was it. Chamomile tea. While she made it she kept her eyes on Luke in the next room.

  Folding clothes.

  Reagan’s heart soared. God had given her direction and she had taken it. And now, not only had Luke figured out that his late hours were a problem. But she was the heroine. The one who had supported Luke rather than nagging him. Everything was going to be okay now. She could feel it.

  And bonus: Luke’s surprise birthday party was going to be the best time ever.

  • • •

  THE RAISE THE Bar club didn’t meet as usual that Tuesday because it was Halloween. Instead Principal Quinn had opened the auditorium for not only the club but any student who wanted to join them. A Harvest Party, he called it. Cami was glad she’d stayed, glad that several teachers were there also. They hung around the front of the room, while the students talked in small groups and shared pizza and snacks—compliments, this time, of Hobby Lobby.

  That was one thing Cami was thankful for. Though most of the world seemed to hate Principal Quinn, Christians everywhere had come out in support of Raise the Bar. Businesses and parent volunteers took turns providing food for the club whenever it met. Even in her own life, she felt supported. She was still living with her teacher’s family. The woman had taken Cami by her house when her dad wasn’t home so she could get what she needed. God had taken care of Cami and the Raise the Bar club. And He would do that again.

  Even today.

  She saw Jordy across the room. Her feelings for him had only grown over the past few days. She kept thinking about that night at his house. The way she felt in his arms. A feeling she would remember always.

  Especially because it would probably never happen again. It was one thing for Principal Quinn to forgive Cami for what her father had done to him. But the man would never let Jordy date the enemy’s daughter.

  No, she and Jordy had no future. But that didn’t stop her from thinking the world of him. She watched Jordy now. The way he talked to one of the kids and patted another one on the back. The way he listened. Jordy wasn’t just strong and handsome. He was kind. Even now when his dad was under attack. Cami watched Jordy spot her and head over.

  “Hey.” Jordy led her to a quieter spot, away from the table of maple doughnuts and Oreo cookies. “I was looking for you.” He seemed concerned. “Have you seen Dwayne?”

  “Not since yesterday.” Cami looked around the room. “He was supposed to be here.”

  Frustration darkened Jordy’s eyes. “A bunch of the guys on the team are planning something tonight. They say it’s just a hang, but . . . I think it’ll be a fight. You know, like every Halloween night.”

  A gang fight. Cami remembered. Two years ago a Hamilton High football player was killed. The murder was a terrible blow to their student body and the school.

  “Oh, no.” Cami felt a new kind of fear move through her veins. Dwayne Brown was a junior. One of the kids she’d featured in her Raise the Bar report. Cami brought her hand to her face and shook her head. “He can’t go.”

  “I tried to stop him.” Jordy’s expression was a mix of anger and helpless frustration.

  Cami took a few steps toward the exit and then turned around. “Is it too late? Can we go find him?”

  “He left. Usually the guys eat somewhere first. Make a plan.” Jordy sighed. “I just keep praying.”

  “What if something bad happens?” Cami felt sick. “Dwayne or . . . or any of them.” She leaned against the wall. “Gangs are so stupid.” She thought of something else. “Plus . . . if someone gets hurt it will ruin everything.”

  Jordy lowered his brow, as if he didn’t understand what she meant. “Everything?”

  Cami searched his eyes. “We’re trying to convince people that our club matters. It’s making a difference. Higher grades, less criminal activity. All the rest. The club’s changing lives. That’s the whole point.” She crossed her arms. “If something happens tonight . . . no one will believe the Bible even matters. Everyone will know we’re not perfect.”

  “What?” At first Jordy sounded annoyed. But then his expression softened. “No, Cami. That’s not it. Only Jesus is perfect.” He moved closer to her and put his hand on her arm for a few seconds. “You know that, right?”

  No, she didn’t know that. Cami looked at the floor of the auditorium. She tried to figure out what to say. Every week since the club had started meeting Cami had been there. Principal Quinn often talked about coming to Jesus broken, and letting Jesus do the fixing.

  She looked into Jordy’s brown eyes. “Your dad says Jesus can fix us.” She tried to find the right words. Wasn’t that how the faith thing was supposed to work? “Okay, so then after we become His people . . . once Jesus fixes us . . . then we should be different. Perfect. Because He’s perfect. Because of God’s power in us.”

  Jordy shook his head. “Cami, only God is perfect. Sure, the more time we spend with Him, the more we start acting like Him.” His tone was gentle. “Jesus changes lives. But we’ll never be perfect.”

  Chris Tomlin’s “Good Good Father” played from the speakers. Cami looked around the room. Conversations seemed happy. These were kids who used to smoke pot and get so drunk they couldn’t make it to school Monday morning. They were in gangs and they ditched school and slept with someone new every weekend.

  Now they were different. They were changed. It felt pretty perfect to Cami.

  She looked back at Jordy. “It still matters. What happens tonight.”

  “It does.” His answer came quick. “Because kids’ lives are on the line. Not because it might make us look bad.”

  “Okay. I get that.” Cami felt tears in her eyes. The scared feeling inside her was like a rock, sitting in her stomach and making her feel sick. “But all these people who hate your dad, all the people who hate us . . . they won’t understand. If something happens. They’ll just think the club didn’t matter.”

  Jordy didn’t look discouraged. “It’s possible.”

  “I’m just . . . I want everything to be perfect.” She looked at her worn-out tennis shoes and then back at him. “So my dad and . . . and everyone else will just leave us alone.�
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  The look in Jordy’s eyes changed. “There’s no other girl like you.” His voice was softer than before.

  Cami’s cheeks felt hot. Once, a long time ago, before Cami’s mother had left them, their family was watching a movie. A love story. The girl was named Katie—at least that’s what she remembered. The guy’s name seemed really different. Hubbell. That was it. Cami never forgot it.

  Especially one of the early scenes. Katie crossed the street to sit with Hubbell and in an instant things between the two of them were different. Cami could see it in their eyes. Like something had changed in the way they saw each other.

  Jordy was looking at her that way now. The way Cami always dreamed he might look at her. She was doing the same thing. She could feel it in her eyes. But just as quickly she stepped away. So there’d be more space between them.

  She couldn’t do this, couldn’t let herself fall for him.

  Not when the two of them didn’t have a chance.

  Across the room she spotted the pizza. Good. A distraction. “Let’s get food.” She glanced toward the table stacked with Domino’s boxes. Kids swarmed around it.

  “I’m not really—”

  “Wait.” Cami started walking, she looked back over her shoulder at him. “I’ll get you a piece.”

  Her steps were too fast and she didn’t wait for Jordy to tell her what kind of pizza he might want. She couldn’t wait. If she stood there another minute with him looking at her that way she’d start falling for him again. Dreaming about kissing him. Or about a time when their parents wouldn’t think the worst possible thing was for Jordy and Cami to date. But that definitely wasn’t going to happen.

  Not now. Not ever.

  • • •

  DWAYNE BROWN GRIPPED the steering wheel of his brother’s car.

  Okay, so he didn’t ask to borrow it tonight. Who cared? His brother had taken a ride with friends and gone to Ohio. Some debate club meeting. Dwayne rolled his eyes. His brother was always trying to show him up. Prove he was the better of the two boys.

  He didn’t have to try hard.

  Dwayne was a mess-up. He’d always been a mess-up.

  This year was the worst—everywhere except the football field. Out there he was the best linebacker in the city. Gonna get a scholarship. That would show his momma and brother what for.

  That’s why he’d started going to the Bible meetings. Bunch of his friends had been going since last year, and truth was, the dudes were really changed. Sam didn’t drink anymore. Like, not a drop. Allen was getting passing grades in all his classes.

  Dwayne had asked Allen about it at the beginning of the school year when they were sitting at the cafeteria. “A Bible group is helping you in school?” Dwayne had laughed. Mostly because he was uncomfortable. “How’s that even possible? Like, what do you do? Sit around asking Jesus to help you with math?” Another laugh. “Sounds like sissy stuff, man.”

  “Shut up!” Allen stood up and stared at him, real angry.

  Allen’s eyes got all squinty, and for half a second Dwayne thought the guy was going to hit him. Allen was a lot taller. And bigger. An all-county lineman, so he could’ve, no problem. Would’ve knocked Dwayne out, first punch. But then Allen’s face relaxed.

  A lot.

  Allen sat back down and took a bite of his burger. When he looked at Dwayne again, Allen had eyes like a kid. Like he didn’t have a worry in the world. And right there he explained about faith and the Bible and math. “I’m a child of God.” He raised his eyebrows. “You are, too.”

  Dwayne wanted to laugh. He was hardly a child of God. Allen mustn’t know him that well. But Dwayne kept quiet.

  “The Bible isn’t just another textbook. It’s a letter from Jesus to us. When I read it, it’s like . . .” Allen smiled, and let out a quiet breath. “It’s like God wrote it straight to me.”

  An uncomfortable feeling stirred in Dwayne’s stomach. “How’s that help you with math?”

  “The words in the Bible . . . they’re not just words. They’re alive.” Allen didn’t look embarrassed. He seemed to really believe this stuff. Allen paused for a minute. “Like, there’s this Scripture that says, ‘I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.’ ”

  Allen patted the backpack beside him. “Even math. I remind myself of that every time I sit in Mrs. Barron’s classroom. Next thing you know, I’m remembering the formulas and stuff.” Allen took another bite. When he was finished with it he looked hard at Dwayne. “You only get one life, man. At least give it a try.”

  The memory stopped there. Dwayne turned left on Briar Street. His stomach felt tight and he could almost hear a voice in his head.

  Turn back. Don’t go this way, My son. Go home!

  So strange, the voice. He had heard it before. Especially the third time he went to the Bible group. That day he sat with Jordy. Most of the time, Dwayne and Jordy didn’t talk. Jordy was one of the good kids. Good grades. Good dad. Good looks. It was all a little too much.

  But that day when Dwayne walked into the auditorium, Jordy looked right at him and smiled. Like they were the same kinda dudes. “Over here,” Jordy called out.

  Dwayne looked behind him, just in case Jordy was talking to someone else. But he wasn’t. So Dwayne took the seat next to Jordy. “Can I tell you something?” Jordy looked at him. Right in his eyes.

  “Sure.” Dwayne squirmed a little. Where’s this going? he thought.

  Jordy smiled. “I’ve been praying since last year that you’d come to this.” He smiled and gave Dwayne a light smack on the back. “You’re not a thug. I heard some of the guys on the team call you that.” He paused. “It’s not true.” Jordy grew quiet. He clenched his jaw. “You want the truth? You belong to God. It’s time you figured that out.”

  He wasn’t a thug. Dwayne had liked that. And when Principal Quinn spoke that day, he talked about having a hero. “Everyone has a story. And every story needs a hero.”

  A hero? Dwayne remembered being confused by that. Like a superhero? What was the man talking about? He had focused, really tried to understand.

  “We’re all going to die. Every one of us.” Principal Quinn had a booming voice. Not angry, the way Dwayne’s mama got when he didn’t come home till after midnight. Just powerful. Kind of like a coach. The man explained himself. “We only get so many pages, and the ending of the story will never go well unless you ask Jesus to be a part of it. He’s the only One who can rescue any of us.”

  Dwayne let that thought stay with him. Only Jesus could rescue him. Sounded pretty good. Where Dwayne lived people got in trouble all the time. A definite rescue would be a good thing to have.

  That’s when Jordy leaned closer. “You listening?”

  “Yeah.” He felt awkward. Like when he asked Brianne Sanchez to prom last year. “I never thought of this stuff before.”

  “Maybe it’s time.” Jordy must’ve known how Dwayne was feeling.

  Dwayne whispered, “How do you do it? How do you get Jesus?”

  “I’ll tell you after club.” No hesitation from Jordy. Probably because he’d known about Jesus all his life.

  Dwayne nodded. “Sure, man. Okay.”

  Principal Quinn wrapped things up then. “With Jesus, you never die. You just move your story from here to heaven, where there will be no more tears, no more dying. Where the story never ends.” He smiled real big. “And when you learn to listen to Jesus, every page of your story is a whole lot better than it would’ve been without Him. He’s the Hero.”

  Which explained Allen and the math.

  After the meeting, Jordy talked to Dwayne and asked him if he wanted Jesus to be with him all the time. Inside his heart. If he wanted to turn away from all the wrong things he’d ever done.

  Dwayne had felt unsure about that last part. “I don’t think . . . I mean, I’m sorry . . . but I can’t be perfect.”

  “You don’t have to be.” Jordy looked right at him.

  Jordy opened his Bible and showed
Dwayne some more verses.

  When they were done reading, Jordy told Dwayne how to pray. For Jesus to come into his heart and for God to forgive Dwayne for all the things he’d done wrong. The drinking and lying. The cheating and the way he’d treated girls. And for the gang stuff, too.

  None of that was what God wanted from His people. Dwayne understood now. He still had a lot to learn, of course. Even after the Saturday field trip when everyone went to John Oliver’s house. John was a wide receiver for Hamilton High, and his family owned four gas stations. His pool was heated and that day five kids got baptized.

  Dwayne was one of them.

  He blinked a few times and turned right on Martin Luther King Boulevard. So why was he doing this? Why fight tonight? Just because a bunch of the guys on the team were going?

  It was Billy Benson who’d convinced Dwayne. Billy and Dwayne used to be in the same gang. At least before Dwayne started believing in Jesus. Ever since Dwayne started going to the Bible club, Billy would laugh at him. Just shake his head and laugh. Yesterday after practice the kid found Dwayne at his locker. “You going to club today? That prayer stuff’s made you soft.” Billy gave Dwayne a shove in the shoulder. “You lost your edge, man.”

  Dwayne felt anger light up inside him. “Leave me alone, Benson.” He clenched his fist. “I ain’t soft.”

  “If you’re still tough . . .” The kid snickered. “Prove it. Halloween’s tomorrow.”

  Dwayne told himself he wouldn’t do it. He didn’t need to prove anything to Billy Benson. But at practice today, Billy had laughed at him again.

  The Bible club was having a Halloween party. Dwayne tightened his grip on the steering wheel. A Halloween party? He narrowed his eyes. Halloween parties weren’t for high school kids. They were for babies. If Billy thought he was soft before, he’d never let Dwayne live it down if he hung out at a Halloween party.

  Up ahead was the alley where they were meeting this year. The two gangs always picked an alley. So they could hide in doorways and keep away from the cops. Dwayne slowed his car. Gotta hide anything that might identify him. He leaned down and tucked his wallet beneath his seat. Then he slid his phone into his jeans pocket. Rules were simple on Halloween.