The Baxters Read online

  They held hands the rest of the night, and when Ryan showed up, Kari introduced Tim as her boyfriend. Ryan looked like he’d been hit in the gut. He made polite small talk and after a brief stay, he left.

  Only Tim never let go of her hand.

  Sometime later, he admitted that his acting that night had been nothing of the sort. “I’m in love with you, Kari. I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you.”

  And just like that her mother was proved right. Like always.

  At first Kari wasn’t sure about Tim’s declaration. She was leaving soon for a six-month catalog-modeling job in New York City. This wasn’t the time to fall in love. But Tim had an answer for that.

  “I’ll wait.” He took her hands in his. “However long it takes.”

  Which was exactly what he did. Kari was flattered and moved by Tim’s determination and relentless pursuit. By the sound of his voice every time he called her during her months in New York.

  Once he even flew to Manhattan so they could spend a day together.

  They strolled through Central Park, and he impressed her with facts and bits of information about the city. When a thunderstorm hit, they ran for a cab and spent the rest of the day at Cooper Hewitt, Smithsonian Design Museum. He didn’t fly back to Indiana until late that night, after dinner in Times Square and front-row seats at The Lion King musical.

  Tim Jacobs had her head spinning, for sure.

  In those months of modeling, Kari hadn’t known if she felt the same way about Tim. But she knew one thing. Tim wasn’t going anywhere, not unless she asked him to leave. And unlike Ryan Taylor, he would never cheat on her. Not in a million years. He loved her too much.

  And that became more appealing to Kari with every passing day.

  After her time in New York she returned to Bloomington to model for a local boutique. Tim called the day she got home and they picked up where they left off. By then Tim had gone from student teacher at Indiana University to full-fledged professor. The more time they spent together, the more she felt herself falling for him. He knew obscure details of every world war and political time period. Funny stories and little-known anecdotes about Charles Dickens and Ernest Hemingway and Mark Twain. Like a walking textbook, his knowledge seemed boundless. She could listen to him for hours without getting bored.

  He talked about ancient philosophers and theology and his dreams of writing a novel someday. His faith was a priority through it all, and after spending time with her family, Tim stopped attending services at the campus chapel, and began going to church with her every Sunday.

  “This is where I belong,” he told her one Sunday. “Home is where you are, Kari. Every day I fall for you a little more.”

  Over the next few months she officially became his girlfriend, and things grew serious. Tim talked about marriage and raising a family and sharing forever together. Most of the time Kari felt the same way.

  One Saturday evening Kari sat down with her parents. “Tim and I… it’s getting serious.”

  Even now she could remember how her voice hadn’t sounded perfectly excited or hopeful. That should’ve been her happiest conversation ever. Instead her tone was more matter-of-fact than awestruck.

  Her mom had looked at her for a long while. “Are you asking us… or telling us?”

  “Telling.” Kari’s answer had come quickly. But it wasn’t exactly the truth. She exhaled and glanced at her dad. “Does it seem like I’m asking?”

  Her dad nodded. “It sort of does, honey.” He smiled at her. That look that always made her know everything was going to be all right. Her dad leaned closer. “How do you feel about him?”

  “Well.” They had been in the living room. Kari was seated next to her mother. “That’s why I’m telling you.” She forced a laugh. “I’m happy. Because we’re getting more serious, of course.”

  “We’ve always told you”—her mother’s voice was calm, full of peace—“whatever boy you give your heart to, we’ll give our heart to him, too. We’ll love who you love.”

  Something in her mother’s tone caused the slightest discomfort for Kari. “But…?” She looked straight at her mother. “I hear a but in there, Mom.”

  “Honey.” Her mom turned to her. “My only hesitation… is whether you have one.”

  Kari rested her head on her mother’s shoulder. “Tim’s amazing.” She stared across the room at her father. “He really is. And he loves me.” Her voice fell a notch. “He absolutely does. Tim won’t ever need anyone but me.” She sat up straight again. “Which is something I could never say about Ryan Taylor.”

  They talked for the next half hour about all the ways Tim had delighted her and honored her and treated her like a princess. But the whole time she had felt like she was convincing herself.

  Before she turned in that night, her parents each hugged her. Dad gently brushed her bangs off her forehead. “Kari, it sounds like you love Tim very much.” He held her gaze a long time. “We’ll listen… if you need to talk again.”

  “We’re both here for you.” Her mom kissed her cheek.

  A few times since then they’d talked about Tim. There was never a reason why Kari shouldn’t love him. Why she should pull away from a guy who treated her so well. When he proposed to her over a candlelit dinner, her yes was out before he finished his question.

  That had to mean something.

  Since then she had worked hard to keep from thinking about Ryan, about how this season in her life was supposed to be about him and her. Most of the time Kari’s heart had no trouble believing she was in love with Tim. He would make a wonderful husband.

  But whenever she prayed about marrying Tim, the Lord’s silence on the matter was deafening. She told herself that God didn’t always respond with a clear answer. But it was one reason she had just the slightest doubt about moving forward.

  A doubt she hadn’t shared with anyone. One she tried to squash every time it reared its head. Tim was wonderful. Theirs would be a storybook life.

  And later today, Tim would be her husband.

  Kari sat up in bed again and smiled. Life would play out with love and beauty, with Tim caring for her and protecting her the rest of her life. Theirs would be a story marked by deep talks, and hours of laughter, and most of all a long happily ever after. She felt her heart gradually relax. Today would be perfect, whatever the storm held. With Tim she would never have to worry about where he was or who he was with. There would be no girlfriend on the side.

  And always, at the end of the day he would come home to her.

  Only her. For the rest of time.

  2

  Elizabeth Baxter stood on the front porch of her family’s home and let the wind gust over her. Ominous wind. Dangerous. Foreboding. A shiver ran down her arms.

  What was this terrible feeling?

  Today was her second daughter Kari’s wedding. The ceremony was being held at the chapel on Indiana University’s campus. Dinner and dancing would take place in an adjacent hall. They’d be inside all day, whatever the weather.

  No, Elizabeth wasn’t worried about the storm outside. She feared the one in her heart, the one building between her grown kids. That one had a far better chance of tearing things apart.

  Especially today.

  Elizabeth turned back inside and walked to the kitchen. Along the way she studied the familiar walls and windows, the rooms that housed a million memories. This was the Baxter house. That’s what they called the place. A white Victorian farmhouse with a wraparound porch and enough bedrooms for the five kids Elizabeth and her husband, Dr. John Baxter, had raised here. They’d moved in when their youngest, Luke, was just six years old. Back when everyone they knew wanted to be like the Baxter family.

  When Elizabeth and John’s kids couldn’t get enough of each other.

  A dozen years had passed since then and in that time the house had seen more laughter, witnessed more love and life than most ever would. Elizabeth leaned against the kitchen counter and breathed de
ep. These days, her family just wasn’t the same. Something had changed, and there was nothing she or John could do about it.

  She stared at the cookies and chips on the kitchen table. After the reception, the family would return to the house for more celebrating. That was the plan. So what would these old walls hear today? Doubts about Kari’s choice of a groom? Arguing between the middle kids? Scoffing at God from the oldest? If Elizabeth’s bad feeling was right, this might be a day everyone would rather forget.

  Even the house.

  Stop, she told herself. Kari was getting married today. It was the happiest moment in her daughter’s life. Of course Kari had chosen the right groom. God, please, take this feeling of doom from me. I can’t bear it. Not now.

  Thunder rumbled in the distance.

  Daughter… I am with you. I go before you and behind you. I have loved you from the beginning.

  The whisper caused Elizabeth to catch a quick breath. Lord? The wind screamed through the trees outside. Sometimes she was sure God was talking to her. He was with her. He loved her. But if this were one of those times, she still felt no peace.

  No assurance.

  The wedding was set to start at five o’clock. Ten hours from now. Kari’s high school and college friends would be there along with Tim’s colleagues from the university. Friends from church, several neighbors and their families. A hundred people in all. And of course Kari’s four siblings.

  Brooke, Ashley, Erin, and Luke.

  Kids who used to play together and share secrets and believe that nothing would ever change. Back when everyone in the family agreed: Your best friends were the ones sitting around the dinner table each night.

  Elizabeth pictured them, the way they were. Their happy young faces. What had happened since then? Where had those Baxter children gone? And what would they think if they knew their parents’ gravest secret? That there weren’t really five adult Baxter kids.

  There were six.

  The sound of a car came from the driveway. Elizabeth peered out the window as John pulled up near the garage. A smile tugged at her troubled heart. Everything was better when John was home. Maybe he would say something that might ease her increasing dread.

  A creak of the heavy wooden front door and a sudden burst of wind howled through the house. The door slammed shut and Elizabeth turned to see John, a bag of groceries under each arm. “Big storm coming.” A quick gaze out the window and John gave a low whistle. “Biggest storm in a while.” He turned to her and a grin stretched across his face. “I found the streamers. The white ones you wanted.”

  Elizabeth watched him come closer, into the kitchen where he set the bags on the counter. A conversation about the tension between their kids could wait a few minutes. She closed the distance between them. Then she kissed his cheek and returned the smile. “You’ve always loved parties.”

  “True.” A chuckle slipped from his lips. “Nothing better than celebrating our kids.” He put his hand alongside her face. “And now Kari’s wedding.” His eyes held hers. “Where did the years go, my love?”

  She blinked and found two packs of streamers near the top of the first bag. “That’s what I was thinking.” She set the decorations on the counter. “Time never stops.” Her voice trailed off as she emptied the first brown paper bag. A bottle of ketchup and two more packs of hamburger buns. Mayonnaise and extra potato chips and cookies. Halfway through the second bag she felt John looking at her.

  Their gazes held, and John’s blue eyes warmed the space between them. He was still so handsome. “Elizabeth… you’re doing it again.” He angled his head, clearly seeing her troubled heart. “I can see it.”

  Her focus fell to the groceries again. How did he always know? She sighed. “I’m worried. I can’t help it. Every one of our kids is giving me a reason, John.”

  “Honey.” He took hold of her hand. “Worry won’t change a thing. You know that.”

  “Yes.” She closed her eyes for a long moment. “I’ll let it go. I will.” Her gaze found his. “It’s just… I have to help the girls get ready for the wedding in a few hours and I have… this feeling.” She sounded weary as her voice dropped. “I’m afraid of something I can’t see.”

  “Afraid?” Concern deepened the fine lines on his forehead. He put his other hand on her shoulder. “That bad?”

  “Yes. Even for our real oldest. The one we don’t know.” She looked to the dark clouds outside the window. “He would be twenty-eight next week.”

  John drew her close. For a long moment he swayed with her. “His birthday and Cole’s are on the same day.”

  “Yes.” Elizabeth closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest. “I love that you remember.”

  “Our firstborn.” John drew back and looked deep into her eyes again. “I still can’t believe I never met him. The adoptive couple took him away too soon.”

  “I hate that.” Tears stung at Elizabeth’s eyes. “I… I had no choice. My parents…”

  “I know.” He kissed her forehead. “Shhh. We don’t have to go over it again.” He searched her eyes, her soul. “The social worker told you to move on, not to think about him.” His hand framed her face. “But that would never be your heart, Elizabeth.” He hesitated. “It’s never been mine, either. I won’t ever forget.”

  “Thank you.” She leaned her forehead against his shoulder. It was enough to know John felt the same way, that he thought about their oldest son and remembered his birthday. Elizabeth looked at him once more. “It’s still my prayer, John. That I find him. If it’s the last thing I do.”

  “Mine, too.” He held her a little longer. Then he stepped away and picked up one pack of the streamers. His tone lifted. “But for now, my dear, we have an after-party to decorate for! And a precious daughter who is about to have her dream wedding.”

  “True.” Elizabeth basked in the way John made her feel. Like everything would be okay.

  He raised one eyebrow. “And in the garage I have eight cases of pop that still need to be loaded into the van and taken to the reception hall.” He stopped and listened. The wind was getting stronger. “Is Ashley here?”

  “Not yet. In an hour or so. I have Cole’s crib ready.” A smile caught Elizabeth off guard. “He’s the light of my days, that Cole. Such a happy little guy. He grins so big every time he sees us.” She opened one pack of streamers and stretched out the white paper. “If only I could say the same about his mother.” The words came before she could stop them.

  John stepped back and leaned against the doorframe. He exhaled like this was a topic he didn’t want to talk about. Not with Kari’s wedding hours away. “Ashley tries.” Patience softened his words. “She’ll figure it out.” Again he closed the distance between them. He ran his hand over her still-dark hair. “Our daughter needs time. The same way we did at her age.”

  He was right. Elizabeth put thoughts of their middle daughter from her mind. She held up the roll of streamers and remembered to smile. “A little tape and we’ll make this a party.”

  Peace seemed to come over John as he helped her tack one end to the upper corner of the kitchen. Elizabeth felt him watch her as she twisted the thin white paper and stretched it to the opposite wall.

  “You’re quiet.” John’s eyes were still on her. “I didn’t mean to shut you down.”

  There it was. Another reason Elizabeth needed him so. When her heart hurt, he felt the pain. Even now, on a day of celebration. When they were supposed to be happy. If something was wrong with her, John would get to the bottom of it.

  He raised his brow. “Talk to me, my love. What are you thinking in that pretty head of yours?”

  Elizabeth taped the streamer into place and ripped it from the roll. “How much time do you have?”

  “Forever. For you… always forever.” John wasn’t only saying what she wanted to hear. He meant every word. His tone told her that much.

  And so while they put up the next streamer, Elizabeth spilled every concern from her troubled
heart. “The kids… they’re so old now. Everything they’re doing, the decisions they’re making, the people they’re dating… It all matters. A wrong choice could ruin their lives.” She sighed. “I guess…” She taped another streamer to the high edge of the room. Then she turned and shrugged one shoulder. There was no hiding the sadness in her voice. “If I’m honest… this isn’t how I pictured things going.”

  John took her hand. “Come outside. We have time.”

  She set the roll of streamers on the floor. Then she followed him to the spot where they’d laughed and cried and celebrated through the years. The swing on their front porch. Despite the wind, the air was warm. Typical for this time of year. It was the approaching cold front that made the sky unstable. They settled in, side by side, and looked at the familiar view.

  “Do you remember the first time we sat here? The night we moved in?” He wove his fingers between hers and set the swing in gentle motion.

  An easy laugh came from her. “The moving van got hung up. We slept on the living room floor.”

  “Yes.” He turned to her. “And when the kids were asleep we came out here.”

  The distant storm was growing. A strong gust moved over them as the memories came to life. Elizabeth tilted her face to the sky and closed her eyes. “The kids were so young. Still in elementary school.”

  “Ashley hated it at first. She thought she’d never make a friend.” John chuckled. “That girl has always taken the hard road.”

  For the longest, most precious moment Elizabeth remembered them again, her kids at that sweet young age, the summer they moved from Ann Arbor to Bloomington. Brooke was thirteen and Kari was eleven. At ten, Ashley was already sure she was going to be an artist. Erin was just eight and Luke was six. With everything in her, Elizabeth tried to hold on to their faces the way they looked back then. Their voices and laughter and innocence.

  Their innocence most of all.

  But gradually the images faded and Elizabeth opened her eyes. “Back then… we would just have a family meeting and everything would be okay.”