The Baxters Read online

  “Ahh, the family meetings.” John’s smile held happy pieces of the past. “We’d pray and cry and talk it out.” He shook his head. “After that there was always a whole lot of laughter.” He put his arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders and eased her closer. “By the time the kids trotted off to bed, they were giggling and making plans for the morning.”

  Elizabeth studied the familiar field in front of the house. The place where they’d held countless kickball games and Easter-egg hunts. She narrowed her eyes, seeing them again when they were little. “It doesn’t work like that with adult kids.”

  “That’s it, then?” John ran his fingers over her shoulder and down her arm. “The kids are at it again? Something new?”

  The clouds of anxiety inside her grew darker than the ones headed their way. “Yes.” She stood and walked to the porch railing. “Let’s start with Brooke and Peter’s broken faith… or Kari’s obvious uncertainty about the man she’s marrying. I could sense that even yesterday. And then there’s Ashley’s downward spiral.” She leaned back against one of the pillars and faced John. “Even Erin and Luke. Nothing is how it should be. How I believed it would be.”

  “Their stories aren’t ours to write.” His tone was patient. No accusation rang in his voice. “When they’re in trouble, we pray and make ourselves available. And when things go right, we cheer from the sidelines.”

  Why was he so sensible? Elizabeth looked straight at him. “You want the truth?” Thunder rumbled in the distance. Elizabeth looked over her shoulder and then back at John. “I’m afraid something terrible is going to happen today. A blowup like we’ve never seen before. Or maybe I’m afraid Kari is making… a mistake.” There. She’d said it. On her daughter’s wedding day.

  Fear stood like a tangible force beside her. “What if he’s not the right one, John?”

  “Honey… Tim is the right man. Kari wants to marry him. I talked to her a couple nights ago.” He paused. “Be specific. What’s happening?” John was an optimist. He had been one from the first time Elizabeth met him at a University of Michigan dance. Most of the time his positive spin set her world right again. But here he seemed to know that wasn’t what she needed. Instead he did exactly what she wanted in this moment.

  He listened.

  Elizabeth started with Brooke. Sure, she had married Peter West, her college sweetheart, and now they were both doctors. A few months ago they had even started their own shared pediatric practice. Elizabeth felt a pang of sadness. “But every week Brooke grows farther from God.”

  John patted the spot beside him. Elizabeth joined him again and this time she leaned her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes. “I took Brooke shopping last week. It was her rare day off and Peter called. Brooke didn’t think I could hear her.”

  Elizabeth exhaled and the sound mixed with the wind. “I don’t know what they were talking about. But Brooke told Peter that science was a lot more reliable than a God no one could prove.” Elizabeth sat up straight and stared at John. “Our daughter actually said that.”

  For a while neither of them spoke. The heaviness was definitely there for both of them. Once more John took hold of her hand. “I’ve sensed that, too. With Brooke and Peter.”

  This time Elizabeth set the swing in motion. As if she could distance herself from the strangeness of the season. “And Kari… I’m telling you, she can frustrate me.” Elizabeth shook her head. “What’s she thinking? I mean… I will never understand why she walked away from Ryan Taylor. That boy loved her from the moment he first met her. A couple of kids right out there on that patch of grass.” She paused. “He still loves her.”

  “Elizabeth… you know why.” John ran his thumb over her hand. “And be careful Kari doesn’t hear you. She’s marrying Tim today. Not Ryan.”

  “Yes, because of his football injury. That other girl.” Elizabeth waved her free hand around like she was swatting invisible flies. “What if that was all a big mistake?”

  They were quiet for a few minutes. John drew a slow breath. “It was good between them, wasn’t it?” He looked to the right, the direction where three houses down Ryan had grown up. “Neighbor kids who fell in love.”

  “They were more than that.” Fresh tears blurred Elizabeth’s eyes. “At the hospital after he got hurt, you were there. I’ve heard what happened.” She blinked a few times. “He never got to explain himself.”

  “And now—”

  “Right. Now she’s head over heels for Tim Jacobs.” Elizabeth made a face. “Something about the guy bugs me. I get a bad feeling, obviously.” She let go a loud out breath. “I’m just not sure.”

  A pensive silence followed. Tim was a young professor at Indiana University and for the past year, since Kari’s graduation, the two had been an item. But she seemed young to be dating a professor—even one just five years older.

  “Does Ryan know she’s getting married today?” John winced a little.

  “His mother’s coming to the wedding.” Elizabeth laughed, but the sound held no humor. “Of course Ryan knows. Also, Ashley ran into him at the coffee shop a week ago and told him. I think Kari’s still angry at Ashley for that.”

  John stood this time. He walked to the railing and faced the front of their ten-acre yard. “That’s different now, too.” He turned and caught her eye. “Kari and Ashley. They used to be best friends. They never stayed angry with each other.”

  Elizabeth rose to her feet once more and took the spot beside John. Always beside him. “You understand me, John. The deepest parts of me.”

  “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” They stood shoulder to shoulder. He glanced at her. “And Ashley?”

  “Yes.” Elizabeth battled the onslaught of discouragement. “Ashley most of all.” They often talked about their middle child, how the last three years had been more heartbreaking for her than anything they could have seen coming. “She was only ten when she met Landon Blake.” Elizabeth glanced at him. “Do you remember that?”

  “Her unlikely friend.” John slipped his arm around her again. “Things changed on that class field trip. When they got lost at the zoo.” John’s smile was tinged with sadness. “I remember.”

  Three years ago it looked like Ashley and Landon would be together forever. But a series of tragedies had changed all that. Now she was a single mother, alone and without any interest in the young man.

  “Landon will be at the wedding?” John raised his brow in her direction.

  “He will.” Elizabeth was glad she’d seen him at church last Sunday. “At least he said so.”

  “It can’t be easy for him.” John’s voice held the same heaviness weighing on her. “She’s pushed him away so often.”

  “She’s ashamed. Embarrassed about what happened in Paris.” Elizabeth’s heart broke for her middle daughter. “The accident changed Ashley. It’s that simple… but she still loves Landon. I’ll always believe that.”

  Elizabeth talked for a minute about Erin being lonely. “She’s young, but boys don’t chase after her the way they did the other girls. She feels like an outcast.”

  “That’s hard.” John thought for a moment. “I need to take her to lunch next weekend. I haven’t done that in a while.”

  “Please, do.” Elizabeth couldn’t shake her mood. “And then there’s Luke.”

  “Luke?” John’s expression went blank. “What did Luke do?”

  Elizabeth laughed. They’d had these talks since they first became parents, comparing notes and sharing insights about their kids. Praying for them. Cluing each other in on how things were really going.

  This wasn’t the first time John had sounded unaware. “That’s just it.” Elizabeth crossed her arms. “He did nothing. Luke didn’t do anything wrong… and he knows it.”

  “Ahh.” John nodded. “A little too smug for his own good. True.”

  “Smug?” Elizabeth put her hands on her hips. “He’s downright arrogant, John. Luke criticizes everyone around him.” She blew at a wisp of her hair. “I’m worried about who he’s becoming. His attitude toward Ashley is ugly.”

  “I know.” John kept his tone calm. “I’ll talk to him.”

  Another clap of thunder rattled across the countryside. Closer this time. A shaky sigh came from Elizabeth. “I’ve been helping Kari plan this wedding for five months. I want it to be happy.” She turned to him again. “For her. For all of us.”

  “I agree.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “Then maybe today isn’t the day to figure this out.”

  “Probably not. Except for Kari.” She straightened. “She only has this morning to change her mind.”

  “I told you…” John smiled.

  “She’s excited. Tim’s the one. I know, I know.” Elizabeth felt tired. “I just hope she was telling you the truth.” She allowed a weak chuckle. “I feel better talking about it… Even if it didn’t actually accomplish anything.”

  John pulled her into a hug and they stayed that way for a long while. “It gave you a chance to remember. How it used to be.”

  “Yes.” A rush of tears filled Elizabeth’s eyes. Standing here on the porch always gave her time to remember. Especially today. When everything about her adult kids’ lives felt so uncertain.

  She wiped at her eyes and settled herself. I trust You, God… with our kids. Even the one I had to place with another family. When it comes to our adult children please… help them follow Your voice.

  All of them.

  No answer resonated through the shadowy halls of her heart. But Elizabeth reminded herself of one very real truth. God could make a miracle out of any mess. Her kids’ worst choices and mistakes.

  And her own.

  It was why they were celebrating Kari’s beautiful wedding today. Because after she lost Ryan, God had cared en
ough about Kari to bring her a second love of her life.

  Tim Jacobs was living proof.

  At least Elizabeth hoped so.

  3

  Rehabilitation was an ongoing process for Ryan Taylor. Probably would be for the rest of his life. His neck and spine were fused together in two areas, so mobility depended on a complex regular series of stretches and exercises. While he was home, twice a week he worked with a therapist who came by his mom’s house.

  Three doors down from the Baxters.

  Ryan’s family had lived in Bloomington as long as he could remember. His dad had been an administrator at the hospital before his death, and his mom was still a volunteer there. Ryan had an older sister who lived in California and only came home a few weeks each year.

  “Bloomington doesn’t do much for me,” she had said more than once. “I don’t miss it.”

  Ryan was different. He loved Bloomington for a hundred reasons. But maybe most of all because he could see Kari Baxter’s house from his bedroom window. Where she still lived.

  At least until five o’clock today.

  Yes, whether he would’ve had a long career playing football or not, Ryan had always intended to return here one day. He still did. So that when it came time to marry and put down roots, he would get reconnected at his family’s church. Where his mother and the Baxter family still attended. That had always been his plan.

  It still was.

  Ryan stretched his arms over his head, one way and then the other. His therapist was Stan Guyer, a man in his mid-forties. The guy practiced what he preached in the gym because he didn’t look a day over thirty. He had helped Ryan set up a training area in the basement, where they were now.

  Pushing through the last ten minutes of a tough workout.

  “How you feeling?” Stan stepped back and studied him. “You’re slow today.”

  “Sorry.” Ryan didn’t know the guy well enough to tell him what was really going on. How his pace that morning had nothing to do with his energy or his spine or the way his body was responding to therapy.

  It was his heart.

  Ryan doubled his efforts. Two hundred pounds hung on a bar resting on his shoulders, and under it he finished a round of ten squats. The room was floored with thick black rubber and outfitted with more than a dozen machines and exercise stations. He had spent a fortune on the setup, a gift to himself. A reason to never miss a therapy session, and something else.

  An incentive to come home and make things work with Kari.

  Two more. Ryan forced himself to move his legs, to finish. On the last squat, he slid easily out of the way and let the weights hit the floor. “I always wondered…” He was out of breath, and he could tell his face was red. “How putting a couple… hundred pounds on my neck… was good for me.” Ryan laughed. “Given my history.”

  “I’ve told you.” Stan chuckled. “The stronger the muscles around your neck and spine, Taylor, the more mobile you’ll be. Even when you’re old and gray.”

  “I know, I know.” Ryan grinned and waved him off. He was still breathing hard. “You’re the best. I get it.”

  Stan directed Ryan to the floor. Push-ups were next. Fifty of them. Stan was there not so much to count the reps, but to make sure Ryan’s form was perfect. Anything less could hurt his back.

  Working out was more painful now than it had been before his injury. But it was nothing to what he was about to live through when his watch hit five o’clock today. A part of him wanted to go by her house. See her one last time. Talk her out of it.

  There was still a chance.

  I can’t do it, he told himself. I have to let her go.

  “Seven, eight.” Stan’s voice rose. “Come on, Taylor. Really work it.”

  Sweat dripped down Ryan’s face. “Yes, boss!”

  The idea of seeing Kari, knowing she was about to wear a wedding dress and walk down the aisle toward some other guy, was more painful than anything Stan could ever put him through. Tim would probably be at the house before the wedding. So, no… he wasn’t going to do it.

  What would be the point? Just so Kari could look the other way and ignore him? Like she’d been doing since his injury?

  Ryan could feel himself slipping into autopilot with Stan. The workouts were a part of his life. His muscles would respond even if his mind was years away. He closed his eyes and kept pushing.

  “Eighteen, nineteen.” Stan sounded happier. “That’s the way, Taylor. There you go.”

  But Ryan could barely hear the guy. He was back on Soldier Field, two years ago, playing football like he was born to do it. Right there, carrying the ball in what would be his last minutes of owning the game.

  Even then Kari had filled his mind.

  Always Kari. Only Kari.

  Ryan was on the field again. Running like the wind, carrying the ball toward the end zone when—

  “Taylor? You with me?” Stan sounded frustrated.

  “Yeah.” Ryan stood. “Sorry.” His knees felt weak and he needed water. “I’ll be back.”

  “Five more minutes,” Stan called after him. “You can do this.”

  Ryan grabbed a water bottle from the fridge in the next room and hesitated. The hit had been the single worst physical pain of his life. He closed his eyes and he could feel it again. The sickening smack of his helmet crashing into that of Russell Jones.

  And then the searing heat, like someone had pressed a blowtorch to his neck. The explosion of hurt… Ryan took a swig of his water. It was a pain no words could define. Even now. And there he was on the ground, his face in the grass. He tried but he couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t draw a single breath. And that’s when it occurred to him.

  He was going to die. Right there in the middle of Soldier Field, and he would never see Kari Baxter again. Reporters and coaches had asked him since then what it was like, what he was thinking when he was laying there frozen on the field that day.

  Surely his mind was ablaze with thoughts of football. That’s what they all figured. After all, he had spent his whole life getting to this moment. Summers of Pop Warner and four autumns of high school games, then working to be the best in the NCAA. All so he could dominate in the NFL. The best the game had ever seen.

  Ryan finished his water and headed back to Stan. They were all wrong. As the paramedics strapped him to a backboard and hurried him to an ambulance, he wasn’t thinking about football at all.

  He was thinking about Kari Baxter.

  And late that night, when his mother came in his room and told Ryan that Kari had come, that she and her father were in the waiting room, Ryan didn’t have to ask how his surgery had gone. It didn’t matter.

  He was going to be okay, because Kari was here. She had come for him.

  Ryan dropped to the floor and resumed his push-ups.

  “Find your position.” Stan pointed to the floor. “You’re slowing down. Twenty-two more, come on.”

  “Got it.” Ryan began rattling them off. His form was better than perfect this time. Anger always did that to him. He clenched his jaw. Because when he woke up the next morning after the team’s female trainer had been in to see him, his mother told him the news that still didn’t make sense. Kari was gone. She and her father had left without saying a word.

  Without an explanation.

  Every day since then Ryan had waited for Kari to tell him what had happened, why she had turned her back at his lowest moment. But every chance she had, Kari avoided him. Didn’t answer his calls or respond to his letters.

  “Forty-nine, fifty!” Stan clapped a few times. “One of your best, Taylor. You must’ve really needed that water.”

  No, he wanted to say. I really need Kari Baxter.

  Which was why he couldn’t stop thinking about seeing her this morning. Even though the idea was crazy. He knew what would happen if he went to her house today. Kari wouldn’t talk to him or give him her reasons or even the time of day. Ryan was never going to get the girl of his dreams.

  He stood and stretched. Yes, he could walk. Thanks to God and the efforts of surgeons and therapists like Stan, Ryan Taylor was almost good as new. His body was healed.

  But without Kari, his life was broken, and Ryan had no idea how to fix that.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Stan tossed him a towel. “You’re a million miles away.”

  “Not quite a million.” Ryan smiled. Just a few hundred steps, actually. But again he kept the truth to himself.