Coming Home: A Story of Undying Hope Page 4

  After meeting with her sister, Erin found a strength in God she hadn’t known before. She became strong enough to love Sam, and to build him up as a leader in their home, and she found the strength to build a relationship with her siblings. She was even strong enough to survive their mother’s death from cancer a little while later. Eventually the babies came — not from her and Sam, but from the Lord, through a social worker. All four of her daughters.

  But most of all, as Kari’s words of wisdom came to life and as Erin and Sam found the love they’d been missing, God brought them children. Not one or two babies, but four beautiful girls. All in one month.

  Erin adjusted her sunglasses and watched her girls. The older ones paddled around on their rafts while the younger ones splashed at them as they trailed behind in their inner tubes. Erin stood and peeled off her shorts and T-shirt. She wrapped a towel around her one-piece suit, and headed for the water, dropping the towel only at the last minute. “Time to share your raft!”

  The girls all cheered; and when Erin climbed on Clarissa’s raft with her, Clarissa said, “You’re the best mom ever!”

  Erin giggled. “Just wait until I dunk you!”

  They all laughed, and Erin was filled with love for these girls she knew to be the best kids ever. And she knew that after all they’d been through, she wasn’t about to let Candy Burns ruin anything.

  Three

  THE FIRST WEEK OF JUNE FLEW BY IN A BLUR OF LITTLE LEAGUE games and dance classes. Not until Kari Baxter Taylor and her husband, Ryan, dropped off their three kids at her dad’s house did she allow herself to get truly excited about his surprise party. Because one thing was certain — if the kids knew, they’d never be able to keep the secret. Jessie was thirteen that year, and as close as she was to her papa, she would almost certainly let some detail slip. But at eight and five years old, RJ and Annie would absolutely make the secret known.

  After she’d hugged her dad and Elaine and thanked them for watching the kids, she and Ryan returned to their car. Ryan had written today’s outing on the calendar two months ago. Kari’s Date Day was all it said. And now that they were alone in the car, Ryan smiled at her. “Do you know what today is?”

  “June 8?”

  “More than that.” He took her hands in his, and the look in his eyes melted her in a single heartbeat. “Thirteen years ago today I accepted the coaching position at Clear Creek High. The one that brought me back to Bloomington.”

  “That long?” Kari turned in her seat, her shoulder pressed into the soft leather of their Acura. They were still parked out front of her dad and Elaine’s house. “My dad’s turning seventy and you’ve been back in my life for thirteen years?” She uttered a bewildered laugh. “How did that happen?”

  “Exactly.” Ryan’s eyes shone. He released her hands and started the engine. “That’s what today’s about. Remembering how all this happened.”

  “Hmmm.” Kari faced the front of the car again, but instead of the road ahead she could only see the trail of years, the adventure of faith and love they’d shared over time. “It’s a tough story.”

  “It is. But it’s like so many stories where God is the author. His fingerprints mark every chapter.”

  “True.” Kari wondered if she was ready for this, for an afternoon of going back in time. “So where are you taking me?”

  “Guess.” He put one hand on her knee as he drove. “Where did we find out the truth all those years ago?”

  Kari knew immediately. “Lake Monroe.” She pictured the path around the lake, and the sandy beach where late one summer night the misunderstandings that had defined their past all fell away like sand through their fingers. She smiled at him. “Really? You’re taking me there?”

  “The picnic’s in the back. I figured no one’s love story holds a candle to ours. We have to remember it every once in a while or we’ll forget.” His eyes met hers again. “And we can never let that happen.”

  “No.” She lifted her gaze to the bright blue June sky over Bloomington. “We need this.”

  “That’s what I hoped you’d say.” He kissed her hand and focused on the road. “So, tell me about Ashley … She called this morning, right?”

  “She did. Just more details about my dad’s surprise party.” Kari eased her fingers between his and let the feeling soothe her soul. “Everyone’s on board with the letter writing for Dad.”

  “Beautiful.” Ryan nodded slowly. “There won’t be a dry eye in the room.”

  “It’s true.” Kari thought about her siblings, how each of their stories held the darkest pain and the most brilliant victories. “Dad was there while each of us found our way. He was always at the center, giving us a hug or a Bible verse or the words we needed.”

  “Even better that we’re doing this today.” Ryan sounded thoughtful. “I’ve always wanted to celebrate the eighth of June this way, but this is the first time I’ve acted on it.” His smile was tinged with a greater depth. “God’s timing is perfect.”

  At the next stoplight Ryan slipped a CD into the player. “I made this for today.” He adjusted the volume so they could hear it better. “Some of the songs that helped me survive back then.”

  The first song was by Steven Curtis Chapman, a ballad called “His Strength Is Perfect.” Ryan caught her eyes again as the familiar melody filled the car. “It was a classic that year. And it definitely got me through.” He began to sing along. “He’ll carry you … when you can’t carry on.”

  “I love it.” She ran her thumb alongside his hand. “I remember hearing it all the time that summer. Like God wanted us to get the message firmly in our hearts. Before we could think about what He was doing by bringing you back to Bloomington and the job at Clear Creek High.”

  They sang along for the rest of the drive to the lake, and Ryan parked in his favorite spot — the one near the private marina. They still kept a boat docked there, and they had plans to take the kids out on the lake tomorrow. As Ryan grabbed the picnic basket and a blanket from the back, Kari raised her eyebrows. “Are we taking the boat?”

  “Not today. I want to walk the same path, find the same spot on the beach where we talked that night.” He smiled, in no hurry. “If that’s okay.”

  “It’s perfect.” She took the blanket from him and they set out shoulder to shoulder, taking their time as they reached the path and began making their way around the outer edge of the lake. “Where do we begin?”

  “At that summer barbecue.” He chuckled. “Feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at once.” In no time they reached the spot, and Kari saw two beach chairs and a small table with a vase full of roses. Ryan placed his iPod in a portable speaker between the chairs. He took a miniature remote controller from his jeans pocket and tapped it. The same music from the CD in the car began to play.

  “Ryan?” She looked at him, her mouth open. “When did you do this?”

  “I used a flashlight.” He laughed. “I couldn’t let you know what I was up to. I left and came back before you woke up.”

  He set the picnic basket down near the table and took the blanket. When he’d spread it out in front of the chairs, he took her in his arms. For a long time they held on to each other and slow danced to the song.

  People need the Lord … people need the Lord.

  Ryan framed her face with his hands, and worked his fingers into her hair. “You’re so beautiful, Kari. You always have been.” He kissed her and Kari remembered how very nearly this love didn’t happen. How they could’ve missed it if God hadn’t allowed the timing to be perfect.

  Ryan led her to the chairs and when they were seated side by side, the morning lake spread out before them, he took a deep breath. “I was playing football out in the street with a bunch of eighth graders. It was the summer before I started high school.”

  Kari looked out at the water, but the images that danced before her eyes were from more than twenty years ago. “I remember you ran into the backyard for a burger and my dad introduced us.”<
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  “He wanted me to put a shirt on.” Ryan laughed. “You were only twelve but I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.”

  Kari waited, letting the memory come to life again. “After you left to go back to your game, I remember looking down and thinking something was missing.” She let her eyes find his again. “It was my heart. It belonged to only you from that point on.”

  “Mine was split between you and football.” He chuckled. “But then you were only in middle school.”

  For the next two years Kari didn’t see Ryan much. “I figured you forgot about me.”

  “I remember when you started at Clear Creek High. The guys were all talking about you.” Ryan slid his chair closer so their bare arms touched. “You were the prettiest girl at school, even then.”

  “I felt skinny and young and awkward.” She laughed. “I was shocked when I made the cheerleading squad.”

  He gave a low whistle. “My friends found out I was friends with you and they bugged me to set them up.” His smile warmed the morning. “I never did.”

  “You kept your distance. I remember that.” She shot a teasing look at him. “I figured you didn’t like me.”

  The truth was she couldn’t date until she was sixteen. So on her sixteenth birthday, a few weeks after Ryan graduated from Clear Creek, he showed up at her front door with roses. Roses much like the ones he’d brought for her today. “I figured maybe you liked me after all. It was the best day ever.”

  “I liked you. I always liked you.” Ryan looked a bit guilty. “But I was headed off to play college football and you were only a junior in high school.”

  If Kari didn’t know the rest of the story, it would have been easy to let the sadness from that time cloud her heart again. “When you didn’t call, the date felt like the cruelest trick.”

  “I could’ve at least explained myself.” Ryan looked into her eyes. “With how I treated you I couldn’t believe you would talk to me again. But when my dad died, you were the one there for me.”

  During Christmas break of her senior year Ryan’s father died of a sudden heart attack. From that point on, he and Kari were inseparable. A breeze from the lake washed over them and Kari was grateful for Ryan’s nearness. “I understood. I was just as close with my dad.” She gave him a sad smile. “I still am. I wanted to help you feel whole again.”

  “Even when I went back to OU, you were the one I leaned on.”

  Kari stared out at the lake. “Phone calls and letters and summer breaks — it’s what I lived for that last year of high school.” By Ryan’s senior year in college, Kari was modeling and taking classes at Indiana University and Ryan was more involved in football than ever before. “When you were drafted by the Dallas Cowboys I prayed nothing would change.” Kari leaned in closer to him. “But your life was moving so fast.” Everyone wanted Ryan’s attention and that summer after he graduated he didn’t have time for much more than training.

  “Football was everything.” Regret sounded in Ryan’s tone. “It was my fault we grew apart. My dreams of playing pro consumed me.” His eyes pierced hers. “But nothing about my life was ever right without you.” His tone fell. “Even if I did a terrible job showing you, I still loved you.”

  “I wasn’t sure.”

  Ryan stood and poured them each a glass of iced tea. “And then I got hurt.”

  “Yes.” Kari’s stomach instantly turned to knots. She lifted her face and let the wind off the lake ease some of the heartache. “I still remember exactly where I was, what I was doing … how I felt when you got hit.”

  Ryan absently rubbed the back of his neck. “One minute I was running like the wind, faster than ever. I jumped into the air and snagged a bullet of a pass and then …” his voice trailed off.

  “I was doing laundry, watching the game in bits and pieces.” She hadn’t heard from him in weeks, and rumor had it he was seeing other girls. “I was at the back of the house when my dad yelled. He told me to come quick. That you were hurt!”

  The images were as vivid now as they had been then. Ryan motionless, lying facedown on the ground. Medical personnel hovering around him, players clustered, silent and shocked, praying.

  Out on the lake a speedboat passed by pulling a water-skier.

  “I remember hitting the ground,” Ryan waited till the boat was in the distance. “I couldn’t feel anything but my face in the mud, the grass in my nose and mouth.”

  “You thought you were paralyzed, right?”

  “I didn’t think it; I knew it.” He looked out at the lake. “In a fraction of a second I was finished. My whole life changed.” He looked at her. “I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t fill my lungs. I begged God to let me live.” He hesitated. “You know why?”

  Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head.

  “Because I wanted to see you again.” He gently brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I only wanted you, Kari. That’s all.”

  She sniffed and ran her fingers beneath her eyes. “It was my dad who came up with a plan. He knew I couldn’t be apart from you so we set out for Dallas. Wherever they took you, whatever happened next I had to be there.”

  Ryan leaned over his knees. For a long time he rubbed his neck. “I hate this part.”

  “Me, too.” Kari would always feel guilty for what happened next. They arrived at the hospital and found Ryan strapped to a bed in intensive care. Ryan was sedated but they were able to see him.

  “My mom told you what happened.”

  “She did.” His neck was broken, and his paralysis could be permanent. The only hope was an emergency neck surgery. If that went miraculously well, then he could regain motion. “I was terrified, praying constantly.” Kari remembered the sick feeling that consumed her that day. She and her dad held hands while they sat down the hall, beseeching God to heal Ryan’s spine. Sometime well after midnight they fell asleep on adjacent couches in a more secluded section of the waiting room.

  “I barely understood what was happening. But I knew you were there.”

  Kari felt guilty again. Ryan’s surgery lasted a few hours. When it was over, Kari asked the nurses about seeing him. But the head nurse shook her head. “Not now, dear. His girlfriend is with him.”

  “I didn’t understand. I thought …”

  Ryan reached out and held her hand. “We agreed long ago on this very spot that it wasn’t your fault.”

  “I should have known you wouldn’t have another girlfriend. Not without talking to me.”

  But the nurse went on about how Ryan’s mother was so happy that the girl had come to the hospital, so grateful that she would support him after his injury. Kari had walked away from the conversation too stunned to speak. She woke her father and told him they needed to leave. If he was confused by her sudden and desperate need to leave the hospital, he didn’t say so. He only looked intently at her and then nodded. Kari had always known that the trip to Dallas was more about what she needed and less about Ryan. At least as far as her dad was concerned. Not until they were halfway back to Bloomington did she find the words to tell him the truth.

  Ryan had someone else.

  The missed moment hung in the air while the music played softly in the background. His swelling went down a few days later and he had complete feeling and motion once more.

  “I was so confused.” Kari fought the sadness overtaking her.

  “I can imagine.” Ryan groaned, a guttural sort of painful sound that came from the recesses of his soul and a place that would never quite move on from what happened that day. “Of course, the girl was you, Kari. My mom had been talking about you.” He looked at her. “I had no idea why you left, what happened.”

  “And I didn’t even answer your calls while you were recovering. All those months of physical therapy.”

  The entire misunderstanding was so epic, so life altering. Worse, while Ryan found his way back to the football field that spring, she met a grad student named Tim Jacobs. At Kari’s college gr
aduation party a few months later, she was talking to Tim when Ryan stopped by.

  “I wanted to tell you I still loved you, that nothing had changed.” His voice softened as he looked at her again.

  “I wouldn’t even look at you.” Frustration pressed in around her. Ryan didn’t stay long and after that night Kari and Tim were an item. They were married that summer while Ryan’s career in the NFL took off.

  “You will never know how it felt that day when my mom called and told me you’d gotten married.” He sat straighter in his chair, as if even now it was hard to breathe with the weight of the memory. “I figured I’d never see you again.”

  Kari smiled. “It’s hard to believe that was thirteen years ago today.”

  They stood and walked to the water’s edge. He stared into her eyes, and after a long moment, he kissed her. Kissed her the way he had back then. Kissed her in a way she had never expected to be kissed by him again.

  “I remember the first time I saw you after I moved back.”

  The sun was higher in the sky now, the early afternoon warm and beautiful. “At church. In the prayer room after the service.”

  “By then I knew about Tim’s affair.” He ran his fingers over her cheek. “I remember what you said that day in the prayer room. You said love was a decision. And God hated divorce.”

  “It’s still true.”

  “Definitely.” He took her hand. “Let’s walk.”

  “Yes.” She needed to move around, shake off the sadness of the past. They held hands as they strolled along the shore to the far end of the beach. “If he had lived, I would’ve stayed with him.”

  Everyone in Bloomington knew about Tim’s murder. By then it was late fall and the high school football season was over. Ryan accepted a coaching position with the New York Giants, mostly so he could get away from Bloomington and the feelings he still had for Kari. The cool lake water felt good on Kari’s feet. A tangible reminder that this was not that January and that she wasn’t stuck back in the news of that awful day.