Shades of Blue Read online

  It was time to tell Emma Landon he was sorry.

  Seven

  LAURA’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT BIBLE STUDY WAS made up of the same six girls who had been her friends since they graduated from Orange Christian High School eight years ago. Over time the group had seen its share of changes — heartache and happiness, tragedies and triumphs. One summer after graduation, none of them were surprised when Megan was the first to get married. Since her freshman year, she’d been dating Joey Johnson, point guard on the Orange Christian basketball team, and now they had four kids under the age of five. She told the rest of the group often that though she loved Joey and the kids deeply, the Bible study kept her sane.

  Amy had taken a trip to Aruba two years into her college career at New York University and come home pregnant with twins. She still struggled to talk about what happened against her will at a rented hotel room when the rest of her group was out at a night club. She had seriously considered an abortion, but Megan talked her out of it. Raising two little girls left her no time for dating, so Amy remained single and happy. She and the girls lived back at home with her parents.

  The dancer in the group, Bella Joy, graduated from New York City’s Juilliard, and for the last several years, she spent spring and summer touring Europe with a ballet company. Now, though, she was tired of the travel, tired of coming home to an empty Brooklyn apartment. No matter how great the thrill of dancing professionally, she was praying to meet the right guy, get married, and raise a family.

  Anna was a teacher in Jersey City, married to a youth pastor from an inner-city church in the SoHo District. They lived with his parents, and they were expecting their first baby. Anna had no idea how they’d ever find their own place, since there was no way they could afford anything within an hour of Manhattan. Not that Anna minded too much. She loved her husband’s parents and the situation worked for all of them. Two years ago, Anna had a scare with a melanoma on her left leg. But doctors removed the tumor, and she’d been cancer free ever since.

  Just back from Nashville was Nelly, who sang in the Orange Christian school choir with all the other girls except Megan. Nelly left New Jersey to get her music degree at Belmont University in Nashville, where she fell in love with a rising country music star. Their relationship made the tabloids and culminated in a wedding that graced the covers of People magazine. That was three years ago, but after only ten months, the pictures on the cover of the tabloids changed to include a number of girls who were not Nelly. Her husband moved out a year ago and the divorce was quick and painful, without so much as a proper good-bye from the guy. Nelly came home convinced she’d never love again, but this past spring she’d started dating another graduate of Orange Christian, a guy from the class two years ahead of them.

  Megan, Amy, Bella Joy, Anna, and Nelly. The best friends Laura could have had, the bridesmaids for her upcoming wedding. By now — after being in so many weddings together — the friends knew the routine. But still they were thrilled for Laura, for the beautiful ceremony and reception that would take place in six weeks, and because she was marrying a guy as wonderful as Brad Cutler. These friends were the ones who knew how hard Brad had worked these past three years — maintaining his full-time job for Laura’s father all while earning his MBA. And these girls had been the first to rejoice with Laura a year ago when Brad proposed.

  Tonight’s meeting was at Laura’s house. The girls were gathered in her spacious living room, each nestled into one of the various overstuffed chairs or sofas. Laura surveyed the room and remembered what it had been like sitting with these very girls around the lunch table at Orange Christian. The best friends had seen each other through those uncertain, dramatic high school days and through every stage of life since. Laura believed they would stay friends forever, and what always drew them back together was this — their weekly Bible study. They took turns hosting the meeting, and though there were seasons when one or more of them couldn’t be counted on every week, the gatherings were consistent.

  The afternoon had been heavy with humidity, but now a light wind had picked up. Laura opened the windows and placed a pitcher of lemon water on the coffee table at the center of the room. Then she joined the others, all of whom had their Bibles open to Luke, chapter 6.

  “You know,” Nelly set her water down on the floor near her feet. “I just need to say before we get started … I struggle with this section.” She absently gathered her long auburn hair in one hand and stared at her open Bible. Back in high school, Nelly was maybe the most carefree of them all, easily laughing and delighting in life’s simplest pleasures. But since her divorce, she sometimes allowed an understandable edge to her voice, a cynicism about her faith.

  Laura wished there was something she could do to help her friend, because she had a feeling this was one of those times.

  Megan generally kept the discussion moving in the right direction, reminding them that they could talk about their personal lives at the end of the study during the time for prayer requests. Now Megan gave Nelly a sympathetic look. “I agree. There’s nothing easy about chapter 6.”

  A quiet came over the room and each of them looked at the section of Scripture. The small heading for today’s reading read simply, “Love for Enemies.”

  Nelly looked around the room. “Why don’t we get started. I think there’ll be lots to talk about once we get through the verses.” She nodded at Amy. “You wanna read the first four verses out loud?”

  “Sure.” Amy positioned her Bible higher on her lap. “Luke 6:27 through 31. ‘But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.’ ”

  A pained look filled Anna’s eyes. “Did I tell you what happened at the mission downtown?”

  The rest of them mumbled quiet no’s or shook their heads.

  “You know about our work there. We’re set up in SoHo to help kids who don’t have a chance.” She looked at the others. “Well … last week a couple guys from a cross-town gang broke in and smashed our game tables and wrote threatening graffiti across the walls and windows. They did ten thousand dollars’ worth of damage.” Anna had short curly hair, and she tucked a stray curl behind her ear, doubt casting a layer of helplessness across her sad eyes. “So yeah, I struggle with this too. I mean, what … are we supposed to find the guys who did this and welcome them back, tell them to take another swing at us?”

  Laura had to agree. “She has a point. I mean, does God really want us to roll over and die every time someone hurts us?”

  Megan leaned over her knees and folded her hands, her eyes on Anna. “I think this is more about our attitude when someone hurts us.”

  “Our attitude?” Nelly angled her head. She wasn’t being argumentative, but she was clearly confused.

  A low-flying plane rumbled across the sky outside. Megan tried again. “In other words, we need to love people no matter what. If they harm us, then we need to believe God will restore whatever was lost in the process. The main thing is to love even when it isn’t easy.”

  “Like loving your enemies.” Nelly’s voice was softer than before. “That’s what I mean. This part’s hard for me.”

  Bella Joy read the rest of that night’s section. “Luke 6:32 to 36. ‘If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even “sinners” love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even “sinners” do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even “sinners” lend to “sinners,” expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because
he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful’.”

  A silence hung over the room for several seconds. Finally Amy raised her brow and pursed her lips. Her cheeks filled and she exhaled like someone who’d just had her eyes opened. “Wow. I never really focused on these verses. That’s a powerful kind of love.”

  “Or maybe it’s just craziness.” Nelly shared a look with Amy. “Don’t get me wrong, I want to please God like all of us. But there’s a line when it comes to people who’ve hurt us. I mean really, truly ripped out our hearts.”

  Laura watched her two friends and tried to imagine the kind of pain they both must be feeling. Amy had been date-raped, which was practically all she’d told them about her time in Aruba. For Amy to love this man who had harmed her and taken advantage of her? It seemed an unreasonable request, a particularly painful one. Especially when Amy’s greatest enemy of all was the father of her two girls. And Nelly? Knowing that the love of your life betrayed you in a way that made you a public spectacle? Again, loving him still seemed more than God could ask of a person.

  “The reality is, we can’t love like that on our own,” Megan took a drink of her water. “Remember Jesus on the cross? Some of his last words were a cry to His Father, that the people killing Him might be forgiven. That’s the only way we can love our enemies. Because He did it first.”

  Amy sighed. “It’s a goal, that’s for sure.”

  “Exactly.” Nelly crossed her arms. “In my heart of hearts I want to be that close to God, that I could love however and whomever He asks me to love.”

  Anna pulled her knees to her chest and rocked a bit. “I guess that’s why we need the Scriptures as a whole, not just the parts.” She closed her Bible. “I mean, Philippians 4 tells us that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.”

  Laura sat back, still struggling with the concept. “Hmmm. Strength to do whatever He asks. Even loving our enemies.” If she had been harmed like Amy and Nelly, Laura was pretty sure she’d have excused herself and gone home early tonight. The way Amy and Nelly were handling the topic, she had a deeper respect for them than ever before.

  The study went longer than usual. After they finished with the verses, the conversation shifted to the wedding. Laura shared the last-minute details she and her mom were working on, and she showed them the photos from her fitting.

  “You know what I think?” Amy put her arm around Laura’s shoulders. She and the others had formed a tight cluster around Laura on the sofa. “I think some of us have lives right out of a storybook. You, especially.”

  “Let’s pray it stays that way.” Amy’s smile was genuine, without any of the self-pity she could’ve been feeling.

  They closed the night by praying right where they sat, a circle of friends that neither time nor tests had torn apart. They prayed for Megan to have patience with her young children and for Amy to find strength as she raised her twin daughters. They pleaded with God to help Bella Joy find the love of a godly man, and for Anna and her husband not to be discouraged by the recent vandalism at the youth center in SoHo. They prayed for Nelly’s current relationship, that the two of them would be wise in the time they spent together, and that God would make it clear if this was a guy who would stay and not run. Finally they asked that Laura and Brad would continue to draw close to the Lord and to each other in the final weeks leading up to their wedding. And that the storybook start would, indeed, lead to the sort of happy ending only Christ could provide.

  When the study was over and the girls were gone, Laura sat alone in her living room, staring out the window at the outline of trees against the moonlit sky. Her parents were out to dinner and wouldn’t be home for another hour, so for now she relished the quiet. The girls were right. Her life really was something from a storybook.

  In some ways, the truth brought an uneasiness, a fear Laura couldn’t quite define. Somewhere along the path of her life, she would of course run into a bump in the road, or a broken road, for that matter. But whatever lay ahead, she had this certainty above all: Brad loved her and he loved God. He would stand beside her through the seasons of life, and when it rained … well, when it rained, he would be her shelter.

  She was sure of it. And that would make it easier to love her enemies when the time came.

  Laura checked her watch. Brad would call in twenty minutes, because that’s what he always did. Mondays were his day at the gym, the evening when he pushed himself the hardest. Sure enough, like clockwork, her cell phone rang just before nine o’clock. “Hey, baby,” she smiled as she answered. “Just a minute.” She ran lightly to the swing out back and settled in. From here, she had a full view of the waxing moon. “There. I took you outside. It’s too nice out to sit indoors.”

  “It is.” His voice was more serious than usual. “I walked a mile on the rooftop track after my workout. I love Manhattan in May.”

  “You walked on the roof?” Laura knew that wasn’t part of his routine. “Don’t you usually finish up with a swim?”

  “Not tonight.” He sighed and the sound rattled with uncertainty. “I needed to think. Figured I could do that better outside.”

  He needed to think? There it was again, the slight hint of concern, the suggestion that somehow six weeks before their wedding everything wasn’t as wonderful as it should be. She worked to keep her tone light. “What’d you think about?”

  The silence on the other end lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like so many long minutes. “I don’t know … home, maybe. North Carolina.” He sounded confused, like he couldn’t accurately define his feelings if he tried. “The Kotton Kids campaign is still stumping me.” Another sigh. “I think I’ll take Friday off and fly to Raleigh. Spend time with my dad. Maybe I’ll find the slogan on the beach.”

  Laura fought the panic welling inside her. “Do you want … me to go with you? Maybe the wedding’s getting to you.”

  “It’s not that.” His tone was tired, strained. “I think I need to do this alone, Laura. I miss my dad a lot. Maybe it’s just starting this new chapter in life and losing a sense of what I left behind.” He hesitated. “Does that make sense?”

  “Um … sure.” The panic grew, but she refused to acknowledge it. She wanted to know everything, every last detail of his thought process. But she didn’t want to be pushy or overbearing. The details would come. She kept her tone light. “If you need to go home … you should go.”

  For the first time in the conversation, Brad seemed to understand how he must’ve sounded. “Baby,” a weak groan came from him. “Don’t think for a minute this is about you. It isn’t.”

  “I don’t think that.” She tried to utter an awkward laugh, but the sound died on her lips. “I mean,” she allowed the sweetness in her voice to fall away. “What am I supposed to think? It’s six weeks before our wedding and you’re lost in thought at work and at the gym, looking for a chance to go back to North Carolina. Then you say something about not wanting to lose the past.” A sound more cry than laugh came from her. “Come on, Brad. How do you expect me to feel?”

  This time his tone was marked with frustration. “You have to trust me. I love you, baby. I can’t wait to marry you.” He brought his voice back down a notch. “This … whatever this is … isn’t about you. I promise. I’ll be gone for the weekend, and I’ll work things out.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. God … give me the words. Why do I feel like everything’s falling apart?

  In response, sure as God’s love, one of the verses from earlier that night came to her. The last line from what they’d read together. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Laura breathed in the truth and waited while it worked its way through her heart and soul. She tightened her hold on her cell phone and shifted her gaze to the dark side of the night sky. Be merciful, she told herself. “Listen. I’m not sure I understand, but … you have my blessing on this, Brad. Go to North Carolina.” She felt the beginning of peace spread through her. “I’l
l be here when you get back.”

  “Thank you.” The relief in Brad’s voice was immediate. “I’ll figure things out, and when I get back, we’ll talk. It’s just something I have to work through.”

  “Okay. I trust you.” The panic still wanted to consume her, but she denied it. Mercy would win out tonight, because that’s what God was asking of her. If Brad needed time away, time with his parents back in North Carolina, then she would understand and support his decision.

  “You’re alright?” His tone was tentative.

  “I’m fine.” The words were easy. Her feelings could follow. “Let’s get some sleep.”

  The call ended with promises to talk the next day. Brad would buy a plane ticket and fly into Raleigh Friday morning. As Laura hung up, she could barely believe what had just happened. Brad was having doubts. Not about her, maybe. But doubts all the same. Nothing else could explain his deep thoughts and pensive mood. Nothing else would have sent him packing for North Carolina. She wondered how she might’ve responded if the girls hadn’t met for their Bible study that night. But they had met, and now Laura had chosen to love, to show him mercy by trusting Brad and refusing to stand in his way. The Bible was right. It didn’t feel great, but this was true mercy, true love.

  A love that was possible in God’s strength alone.

  Eight

  BRAD HADN’T LIED TO LAURA, NOT at all. He reminded himself of this fact often over the next couple days, and again as he caught a ride to LaGuardia for the 7:55 nonstop to Raleigh. He wasn’t going to call Emma or look her up. Never mind the photo he’d found in his desk, this trip wasn’t about her. He’d told Laura the truth. The trip was about himself, about going home and looking for closure. It was about having an honest conversation with his father, and hopefully gaining from that talk a sense of how to walk away from the past for good.